Every negotiator will eventually encounter someone who seems impossible to work with—the aggressive bulldozer, the passive-aggressive saboteur, or the seemingly irrational decision-maker. These challenging personalities can derail negotiations, create hostile environments, and lead to poor outcomes for everyone involved. However, with the right strategies and psychological understanding, even the most difficult people can become collaborative partners.

Research in behavioural psychology has identified specific patterns in difficult behaviour and developed evidence-based techniques for managing these interactions. Understanding why people behave difficultly and having a toolkit of proven responses can transform contentious negotiations into productive conversations.

Understanding Difficult Behaviour

Before learning how to deal with difficult people, it's crucial to understand that difficult behaviour is rarely personal. Most challenging behaviour stems from:

  • Fear and insecurity: Aggressive behaviour often masks fear of loss or inadequacy
  • Past negative experiences: Previous bad negotiations can create defensive patterns
  • Stress and pressure: External pressures can manifest as difficult behaviour
  • Different communication styles: Cultural or personality differences may appear as difficulty
  • Unmet needs: Underlying concerns that haven't been addressed or acknowledged

Recognising these root causes allows negotiators to respond strategically rather than reactively, addressing the underlying issues rather than just the surface behaviour.

The Five Types of Difficult Negotiators

1. The Aggressive Bulldozer

These individuals use intimidation, loud voices, and dominant behaviour to control negotiations. They may interrupt, make unreasonable demands, or use threats to get their way.

Characteristics:

  • Interrupts and talks over others
  • Makes ultimatums and threats
  • Uses loud voice and aggressive body language
  • Shows little interest in others' perspectives

Effective strategies:

  • Remain calm and speak in a steady, quiet voice
  • Acknowledge their concerns without agreeing to unreasonable demands
  • Set clear boundaries about acceptable behaviour
  • Use the "broken record" technique—repeat your position consistently
  • Redirect focus to problem-solving rather than positions

2. The Passive-Aggressive Saboteur

These negotiators appear cooperative on the surface but undermine progress through indirect resistance, delayed responses, or subtle non-compliance.

Characteristics:

  • Agrees in meetings but fails to follow through
  • Uses sarcasm or veiled criticism
  • Procrastinates or "forgets" important commitments
  • Gives minimal responses or withholds information

Effective strategies:

  • Address resistance directly but diplomatically
  • Ask open-ended questions to uncover real concerns
  • Document agreements and follow up consistently
  • Create specific timelines and accountability measures
  • Acknowledge their expertise and contributions

3. The Know-It-All Expert

These individuals believe they have superior knowledge and dismiss others' ideas. They may lecture, condescend, or refuse to consider alternative viewpoints.

Characteristics:

  • Dismisses others' ideas quickly
  • Uses technical jargon to exclude others
  • Shows impatience with questions or explanations
  • Rarely asks for input or opinions

Effective strategies:

  • Acknowledge their expertise genuinely
  • Ask thoughtful questions that demonstrate your preparation
  • Use their knowledge to build solutions together
  • Provide new information that adds to their expertise
  • Frame suggestions as building on their ideas

4. The Emotional Roller Coaster

These negotiators have unpredictable emotional responses, swinging between extremes or becoming overly emotional about issues.

Characteristics:

  • Dramatic mood swings during negotiations
  • Takes issues personally
  • May become tearful, angry, or overly excited
  • Decision-making influenced heavily by current emotions

Effective strategies:

  • Remain emotionally stable and patient
  • Acknowledge their feelings without being overwhelmed by them
  • Take breaks when emotions run too high
  • Focus on facts and objective criteria
  • Help them see long-term benefits beyond current emotions

5. The Indecisive Paralysed

These individuals struggle to make decisions, constantly seek more information, or change their minds frequently.

Characteristics:

  • Constantly asks for more time or information
  • Changes decisions after they've been made
  • Seeks consensus from multiple people
  • Fears making the wrong choice

Effective strategies:

  • Provide clear, organised information
  • Break complex decisions into smaller parts
  • Set reasonable but firm deadlines
  • Offer limited options rather than open-ended choices
  • Provide reassurance and support for their decisions

Universal Strategies for Difficult Personalities

The CALM Method

Use this framework when facing any difficult behaviour:

  • Centre yourself—maintain emotional control and physical composure
  • Acknowledge—recognise their concerns and feelings without necessarily agreeing
  • Listen actively—understand the underlying issues driving their behaviour
  • Move forward—redirect the conversation toward solutions and common ground

Emotional Regulation Techniques

Maintaining your own emotional stability is crucial when dealing with difficult people:

  • Controlled breathing: Use slow, deep breaths to manage stress responses
  • Positive self-talk: Remind yourself that their behaviour isn't personal
  • Physical awareness: Notice and consciously relax tense muscles
  • Mental reframing: View difficult behaviour as a problem to solve, not an attack

Setting Boundaries

Establishing clear limits is essential for productive negotiations:

  • Define acceptable and unacceptable behaviour clearly
  • Communicate consequences for crossing boundaries
  • Be consistent in enforcing limits
  • Remain professional while being firm

Advanced Techniques for Complex Situations

The Aikido Principle

Rather than meeting force with force, redirect negative energy toward positive outcomes:

  • Agree where possible: "You're right that quality is important..."
  • Redirect toward shared goals: "Since we both want success..."
  • Use their energy: "Your passion for this project shows..."
  • Find common ground: "I think we agree on the fundamental issue..."

Strategic Empathy

Understanding without necessarily agreeing can defuse tension:

  • "It sounds like you're frustrated with..."
  • "I can see why this is important to you..."
  • "From your perspective, it must seem..."
  • "Help me understand your concerns about..."

The Pre-Emptive Strike

When you know someone will be difficult, address it proactively:

  • Acknowledge past difficulties: "I know we've had some challenging discussions..."
  • Set positive expectations: "I'm hopeful we can find a solution that works for everyone..."
  • Establish ground rules: "Let's agree to focus on the issues, not personalities..."
  • Create structure: "I suggest we work through these points systematically..."

Cultural Considerations in Australian Business

In Australia's multicultural business environment, what appears to be difficult behaviour may actually be cultural differences:

  • Communication styles: Some cultures are more direct or hierarchical
  • Decision-making processes: Consensus-building may take longer in some cultures
  • Emotional expression: Comfort levels with emotional displays vary significantly
  • Time orientation: Different cultures have varying approaches to deadlines and urgency

Always consider cultural factors before labelling someone as difficult, and adapt your approach accordingly.

When to Walk Away

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a negotiation may not be salvageable. Consider walking away when:

  • Behaviour becomes abusive or threatening
  • The other party refuses to engage in good faith
  • Continued engagement would damage your reputation or relationships
  • The potential deal value doesn't justify the stress and resources required

Walking away professionally can actually improve your negotiating position and demonstrate that you have boundaries.

Building Long-Term Relationships

Successfully navigating difficult personalities often leads to stronger relationships:

  • Follow up after successful resolution to reinforce positive patterns
  • Acknowledge their contributions and changes in behaviour
  • Share credit for successful outcomes
  • Maintain professional relationships even after difficult negotiations

Practice and Preparation

Develop your skills for handling difficult people through:

  • Role-playing exercises: Practice different scenarios with colleagues
  • Video review: Record practice sessions to identify improvement areas
  • Stress inoculation: Gradually expose yourself to more challenging situations
  • Mindfulness training: Develop emotional regulation skills
  • Feedback collection: Ask trusted colleagues about your handling of difficult situations

Conclusion

Negotiating with difficult people is one of the most challenging aspects of business, but it's also an opportunity to demonstrate professional maturity and problem-solving skills. By understanding the psychology behind difficult behaviour and developing a toolkit of proven strategies, you can turn contentious interactions into collaborative successes.

Remember that difficult people are often dealing with their own fears, pressures, and insecurities. Approaching them with strategic empathy, clear boundaries, and professional persistence can unlock surprising cooperation and lead to better outcomes for everyone involved.

In Australia's relationship-focused business culture, your ability to handle difficult personalities professionally will enhance your reputation and open doors to future opportunities. The skills you develop in these challenging situations will serve you well throughout your career, making you a more effective negotiator and leader.

Most importantly, maintain perspective—difficult people are part of the business landscape, but they don't have to derail your success. With preparation, patience, and the right strategies, you can navigate even the most challenging personalities and achieve your negotiation objectives.